10 Ways to Show Real Love Without Performing It on Social Media

February is a weird month. It is a month that is characterized as ‘deep winter’. A lot of people experience an extreme amount of dread this month because their system has been exhausted from the weather. In some parts of the world, February is transition month, and there are numerous festivals that speak to the coming of spring. But for us in Toronto - it is blistering cold and dark and everywhere you look love is on display. And, with everything going on in the world - how does one really get in the mood for romance during this time?

When I think of Valentine’s Day, I think of taking intentional time to celebrate love. While social media, ads, movies, and general pop culture all reinforce the idea that love is this grand thing that should be on display for all to see. That you should shout your love from the rooftops.

These kinds of scripts shape our expectations and they can influence how people show care in ways that aren’t always authentic to their relationships. This is especially concerning for young people who are just starting to learn how to navigate partnerships and are also steeped in social media. Couples sharing public declarations on social media, perfectly staged dates, curated playlists, gifts meant to signal thoughtfulness. You might feel real true love in your relationship, but there’s often a tension between the way it actually exists and the way society tells us it should look.

There are, of course, other ways to celebrate love. It doesn’t always have to be grand and bold. It can also be subtle and restrained. Here are 10 ways to show love that are harder to capture with a camera:

1. Consistency - Doing the thing again, and again. Not because it earns points, but because ‘there is where I show up’. Love can also be reliable, it doesn’t always have to be intense.

   
   

2. Attention to detail - Remembering how someone takes their tea, not interrupting when they’re talking, and adjusting your pace to theirs. It communicates - I am watching carefully.
   

3. Making space, not taking it - Letting someone have their own rhythm, moods, silences, and contradictions without trying to fix or manage them. Love can also be non-interference.
   

4. Protection of dignity - Defending someone quietly. Not embarrassing them, not exposing their vulnerabilities in public. Speaking about them with fairness when they are not present
   

5. Anticipation, not correction - Doing something before it is asked. Removing friction from their day without making it visible. Love can operate behind the scenes.
   

6. Staying emotionally steady - Not reacting dramatically, not escalating, offering calmness when things are messy. A regulated nervous system can be one of the most loving gifts.
   

7. Choosing restraint - Holding back a sharp word, pausing before asserting a truth, letting something pass because closeness matters more than winning.
   

8. Gentle truth-telling - Being honest without cruelty, naming something difficult that preserves connection. Love shouldn’t be cruel or brutal.
   

9. Loyalty in small moments - Picking ‘us’ in tiny, everyday decisions - how time is spent, how energy is allocated, and how distractions are managed.
   

10. Returning - After tension, after silence, after distance. Returning to each other without drama or scorekeeping. Love means coming back. 
    

    

As always, what is most important is having alignment between two people. As someone once said to me:

Love isn’t always looking into each other's eyes, it is also looking in the same direction.

Recognizing these cultural expectations is the first step in reclaiming love as something personal rather than performative. It’s a chance to notice which gestures matter to you and the people you care about, and which ones are primarily designed for an audience. And that doesn’t mean we have to reject public celebration altogether. This is more about creating a space for love that feels alive, intimate, true, and specific to ourselves.

If you're struggling with showing or accepting acts of love in your relationship, our team is here to support. Book a free 15-minute consultation to learn how our therapists can help.