When Rest Feels Wrong (and how to rest without guilt)

You know that feeling when you finally sit down after eating dinner…and you’re so relieved to finally sit down but then immediately start feeling guilty? There are dishes in the sink that need cleaning… You told someone you would respond to their email tonight. So many things and people relying on you. And somewhere out there someone else is being super productive right now.

But you’re just sitting here. 

On a physical level our bodies are wired to have resting periods. And yet, rest feels unnatural for some of us. It feels like we have to earn it... and then even when we’ve “earned” it, it feels wrong to embrace it.

Think back to the last time you had a ‘lazy’ Sunday. You told yourself “I’m going to take it easy today.” You stayed in your pyjamas, made a slow breakfast. But half an hour into sitting on the couch, your mind started itching: Shouldn’t you be doing something? You could at least fold the laundry while you watch TV. You haven’t even been outside today.

That little voice doesn’t come from nowhere. That’s the byproduct of a world that measures your worth in terms of your output. A world that optimizes for productivity. A world that tells us to slow down is a sign of weakness or laziness. We grow up with these messages constantly. We absorb it without even realizing. Until one day, we’re too stressed out to rest.

Learning how to rest without guilt…

Isn’t that the dream? But how do you calm that voice in your head when you can’t seem to sit still without feeling terrible? You might try different types of relaxation. Yoga, meditation, escaping into TV, a glass of wine, going for a walk, and so on and so on. But there isn’t one “right” way to relax.

The first step in learning to relax without guilt is noticing the resistance. Ask yourself: What am I worried about? What am I missing by resting? Is it extremely urgent or could I get to it later?

Try giving yourself a window. I’ll rest until 12pm and then I’ll fold the laundry. The important thing is the permission. If you don’t give yourself permission to rest, you will just end up overwhelmed and less productive the next time you need to accomplish something. 

Try to allow yourself to do nothing. And remember that doing nothing is not the same as being nothing. You are not wrong for taking a break. Yes, the influencers out there seem to be doing it all without breaks. But that’s not reality. Don’t hold yourself to impossible standards.

Once you feel like you can give yourself that permission, you can start to incorporate rest into your weekly or daily schedule. Maybe you say “no” to one or two things next week so that you have a bit more free time to rest. Or maybe you decide you don’t check emails on Sundays anymore.

There are so many little ways to practice resting…

Here are just a few. Some might work for you, others won’t. Try one or two and see how they feel:

• Micro-breaks at work. Close your office door. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Just breathe, stretch, close your eyes, jump up and down, whatever feels good for you.
  

• Morning pause. Sit down with your morning coffee for ten minutes without scrolling, reading, or planning your day. Just drink the coffee. Stare at the wall. Let your thoughts wander. Practicing stillness can be difficult but crucial for rest!
  

• Walk without a destination. Take a slow walk to nowhere. Just go outside and walk in one direction. Don’t even take the dog with you. This is not a dog-poop kind of walk. No errands, no exercise plan. You can set a timer for 15 minutes and walk in one direction. When the timer goes off, you turn around and walk back home.
  

• Tech boundaries. We all know this one. Try to reduce screen-time where you can. You could designate one evening of your work week as a phone-free evening. Turn off notifications.. No laptop either.
  

• Delegate chores. If you’re in a relationship, I’m sure you’ve had moments where it feels bad to ask for help from your partner. But it’s good to practice delegating when you need the rest. It’s okay to ask for a break.
  

• Invite boredom. We are constantly being bombarded with stimulation, and a lot of it is due to the resistance of being bored. What would it be like to just invite boredom, to feel bored?
  

These breaks might not feel good right away. Rest can feel uncomfortable when you’re used to proving yourself, performing, progressing. But over time, you’ll find it easier. And you’ll rest better. Your body will start to learn that it’s safe to slow down.

You deserve it. I hope this helps.

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