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January & February are interesting months. The holiday rush has settled, the New Year is full of hope, and the winter blues start to sink in. It’s a lot of mixed emotion. It’s important to take some time to check in. How do you feel now that the holiday chaos is over? How does your partner feel? Between family gatherings, work parties, endless to-do lists, and the sheer pressure of it all, it’s easy for your relationship to take a back seat. Now that the decorations are packed away and things are calmer, it’s a great time to pause, take a breath, and refocus on your connection with your partner.
Here are some ideas for how to ease back into being present with each other after the chaos of the season. In offering these tips, I’ve tried to consider the different needs and communication styles that different partners might have.
1. Start the new year with gratitude
Before you start discussing what needs improvement or what got missed during the holidays, take a moment to appreciate each other. Maybe you can thank your partner for being patient with you when you were stressed out planning a holiday meal, or for stepping up and sharing the load when things got hectic. Think of the big and little things your partner did that made you feel supported and thank them genuinely. Gratitude helps you both to feel acknowledged and creates a softer starting point for other conversations.
2. Decompress together
January often feels like the month of resolutions and people get caught up in all the things they have to start accomplishing for the new year, but it doesn’t have to be all about productivity. Make sure you take time to unwind together. You both need to recharge. Watch a new show together, take walks, or just sit quietly sipping tea. Find ways to decompress side by side. For partners who process emotions differently, this shared moment of calm can help bridge any disconnect that might be there and set a peaceful tone.
3. Reflect on the holidays as a team
Of course, some productivity is a good thing. Have a conversation about what worked and what didn’t during the holidays—not as a blame game, but as a way to learn. Did one or both of you feel overwhelmed by too many commitments? Do you wish you had more time alone together? Could you have handled some family drama differently? Remember, people process things in different ways. Some people might need a more structured conversation that feels productive and organized. Other people may prefer a casual chat that doesn’t feel too pressured. Try to find the style that works for you and your partner.
4. Set some goals
The start of a new year is a natural time to think about what’s ahead. Take some time to talk about your hopes and plans for the coming months. These don’t have to be huge life goals—they can be as simple as committing to more movie nights or more complex like tackling a DIY home project together. Aligning on your goals helps both of you feel like you’re on the same page.
5. Check in emotionally
The holidays can stir up all kinds of feelings: joy, stress, exhaustion, etc. Ask your partner how they’re really doing—how they felt during the holidays and how they’re feeling now. Some people might prefer open-ended questions that let them really expand on their feelings. Others might need more specific prompts and prefer to give shorter answers. Either way, the goal is to allow your partner to express themselves and to show them you’re absorbing what they’re saying.
6. Prioritize small acts of care
Little things make a huge difference! A compliment, a hug, making their favorite meal—these small gestures show your partner you care and help bring you closer together. If your partner generally responds more to actions than words, focus on showing your appreciation in tangible ways. This is a good tip year-round, but it can be especially helpful when decompressing after the holidays.
7. Plan something to look forward to
Having something to anticipate together can be a powerful connector. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. It can be a weekend outing in the Spring, a special dinner at a new restaurant, or even a quiet day at home with no distractions. Your partner might love detailed plans. Make an itinerary for a day out in the city. Or your partner might prefer to keep things spontaneous. In that case, reserve a day in your calendar where you can do anything you want together and there’s no pressure to decide until that day. Plan some things that excite you both and actually put them in the calendar. Having the idea is nice, but having a reserved day to look forward to is much more exciting.
Reconnecting without pressure
Remember, resetting in the new year doesn’t mean everything has to be planned perfectly. You might not be trying to fix something that is broken. You’re just trying to reconnect, find ways to support each other, and move forward with intention and excitement. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. Do what feels right for you and your partner.
At Couples & Family Therapy Collective, we understand that every relationship has its own rhythm and challenges. If you’d like more support in strengthening your connection, we’re here to help. Let’s help your relationship to thrive this year.
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